


Eyes Closed

by beautifulnow



Category: Electronic Dance Music RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Heartache, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 20:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18106034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulnow/pseuds/beautifulnow
Summary: Dillon closes his eyes, picturing him, it almost feels real, but it's never quite the same.





	Eyes Closed

It's just another heavy body, he knows that. No matter how much he moans it'll never be real, not the way it is with him, Dillon knows that. He lays there letting the person above him do his thing, wanting to enjoy it, eyes closed, picturing him, his body, his moans, it almost feels real, but it's never quite the same.

It's been 6 months now, half a year that Dillon's last spoke to home, and yet he's always in the back of his mind. He scrolls through his feed seeing pictures of him and he so badly wants to like, comment, anything but he knows he shouldn't. It's too desperate, so he just locks his phone, and stares up at the ceiling above him. He hates this, hates the way things ended, hates that it'll never work. 

He just wants it to stop. He's on his sixth drink and all he can think is call him. But he can't. It's been eight months now, he knows he has someone new now, it was inevitable. Dillon's not upset though, not upset that he's moved on or upset that he's happy, just upset that he couldn't be that person for him. It kills him knowing he tried and gave him all the love he had to offer and it still wasn't enough. It never will be. 

Dillon gets a call one night, it's 3 am he nearly misses it but he managed to slide his finger quick enough to answer when he sees the name. 

“Porter?”

“Hey! Hey Dillon! I knew you'd answer!” He slurs.

“Are you drunk?” He asks, his voice full of concern.

“No! Well, yes, but that doesn't matter” he laughs “I just want to talk to you.”

“Where are you?” Dillon asks. 

“Um in LA, looking for you.” He giggles, Dillon is confused. He doesn't understand why he called him, not after what's happened between them. 

“Why did you call me?”

“You always answer.”

Dillon hold back tears at that, he knows, he knows he's weak when it comes to him, lets him walk all over him, never tells him off, or confronts him about the pain he causes him, and he knows he won't now. 

“Are you home?” Porter asks.

“Yeah.” 

Dillon feels pathetic, when he's getting up to open the door for him. It's three am, and Porter walks in without a second thought. He tugs at Dillon's shirt, pulling him close and kisses him, Dillon kisses back, missing the warm feeling of Porters lips on his. They're in his bed, making out, not even 10 minutes later, and Dillon is just letting it happen, it's wrong, so fucking wrong, he knows that. He feels sick when Porter reaches into his boxers, not because he doesn't want this, that's the furthest thing from the truth, but he stops him. He pulls away.

“We can't, not when you're like this”

Porter pouts, but doesn't protest, he just lays down, closing his eyes, giving into his tired state. Dillon watches him, his breathing slowing down, as he falls asleep. He lays beside him admiring every detail, knowing this might very well be the last time. He kisses his neck softly, before he too falls asleep, comfortably beside him. 

When he wakes up, he's gone. 

It's been a month since that night now. Dillon hasn't heard from him, and he refused to be the first to reach out. He was tired of feeling- no looking, desperate. He just let it be. He sighs as he watches him with someone new, if only they knew the truth, he thinks. 

Twelve months. A whole year, it's been and he hasn't heard a word from him. He tries not to let it bother him, and sometimes it doesn't, but then there are days like today. He's on a date. All he can do is compare. It's so wrong, he's horrible for it, but he can't help it. This time is slightly different from any previous one night stands though, this time it is Dillon's closest friend. Wes. He asked him on a date, and he had no reason to deny him, he was handsome, funny, and made Dillon feel happy in his company. Yet, he still couldn't help but compare. 

His smile didn't light up his eyes the way Porters did, his kisses weren't as intimate as Porters, his body wasn't as soft as Porters. He hated himself for this, never being able to get him off his mind even when Wes was on him like this, making him feel amazing. 

He'd be lying if he didn't say he likes Wes, he really does, but he can't help but close his eyes, when they're intimate. 

It takes everything in him to not moan Porters name, when he's nearing his climax. He keeps his eyes closed, though letting him enjoy any, and all lingering feelings. This won't last long, he hopes, but for now he'll keep his eyes closed, picturing him, even if he has to moan out a different name.


End file.
